Welcome to my Sangha
When is the last time you had a non-transactional human interaction? Community is deteriorating but we all want more...
A foundational principle in Buddhism is Sangha.
Sangha is a Sanskrit word used in many Indian languages, including Pali which means "association", "assembly", "company" or "community".
When I was on my 7 Day Silent Retreat a few months ago at Spirit Rock, I experienced the most pure form of a Sangha.
100 people.
Meditating together.
Eating together.
Doing yoga together.
Walking together.
We all chose to spend our money on this experience.
We all chose to spend our time in this way.
100 people, so deeply committed to becoming better versions of themselves that they’re willing to give their most precious resources toward the cause.
And despite the fact that there was no speaking, no eye contact, no direct interactions with anyone else, I felt this incredibly deep sense of community.
I’m not sure I’ve ever felt anything like it.
We were all working toward the same goal. We shared meals, shared practice, we all rose and slept at the same time.
We were all committed to no phones, to daily movement, to the practice of mindfulness.
We were working on something together but alone.
At the retreat center there was a small sign that said
“You have to do it yourself. You can’t do it alone.”
Read that again.
This statement rings true for everything.
Think of work. You typically collaborate with others, but you’re responsible for your own work.
Think of physical fitness. You may go to a gym or a workout class to feel the support of others, even though no one else is going to run the mile for you.
The same is true with our mindfulness practice. I have to do it myself. I have to show up, to focus my mind, to put in the time. But the power of community makes me feel like I can do it.
I would be much more likely to quit on my own.
I don’t think I would have been able to meditate for eight hours a day without people sitting to my right and left, equally as committed to the practice.
And the power of community goes beyond supporting our goals; it helps us feel more connected, happy, and alive.
My grandma (shoutout to you, Grams!) is 92 and she goes to church every Sunday. She has gone to the same church for I think around 60 years. And Grams attributes much of her good health to that group of people. She shows up every week for them. She has a job in the church, they need her. When Grams got COVID, everyone at the church called and sent cards. She has an epic Sangha.
In the Blue Zones of the world (the areas where people live longer), one of the largest contributors to their longevity is community.
And it’s clear that is this hyper disconnected world that we live in now, we crave community more than ever.
Of course I could workout alone. And I used to every single day prior to going on my retreat.
But one of my biggest takeaways after the retreat was that I realized how much time I spend alone.
I workout alone.
I commute alone.
I go on walks alone.
I work from home, alone.
I spend the majority of my day alone.
This isn’t a “poor me” moment. I have a loving partner who I live with and amazing friends in the same city.
But my sense of Sangha is weak. When I see friends it’s for an hour long walk. My partner and I see each other after work and hangout for a few hours. I want to place more of an emphasis on community.
So now I look for moments in my day and parts of my routine where I can activate a Sangha.
You may feel like you like being alone (same) but deep down there is likely a negative impact on your mental health and potentially physical health if you’re spending too much time alone.
It didn’t used to be like this. We used to be friends with our neighbors, live down the road from our parents, and no one ever moved across the country just for fun. Now we are much more spread out and connection requires effort.
It requires us to put down our phones and talk to the person in the UPS line. It requires non-transactional human interaction. We’re not talking because I need something from you, we’re talking because we’re both people sharing the lived human experience.
So let’s put it to the test. My challenge for you this week is to focus on cultivating Sangha in your daily life:
Make small talk with a stranger in a public place, like a cafe or boutique. If you can’t think of anything to say, give a compliment or ask a question.
Reach out to a friend and make plans to do a long activity with them. Instead of just meeting up to workout, maybe workout and get a meal?
Consider joining a group of sorts. Examples: Sign up for a volunteer day, join an intramural sports league, or attend a pottery class.
There is strength in the collective. But you won’t know unless you join it :)
With love and light,
Liv